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23 July 2017 @ 04:52 am

Tambien Me Dijo Te Amo.
Es todo Demasiado Hermoso.
I'm so young and drunk in love!!

22 July 2017 @ 06:32 pm
This morning she messaged me and was very, very sweet, and very hot.
I even noted her more in love with me.
Since last night I want to tell her I love you. Te amo. Está por salirse de mis labios en cualquier momento.
But I know she's been feeling it, too.
22 July 2017 @ 06:26 pm
Last night we talked for hours while she was at work. She said she was in love with me when I laughed at her catcalling Jennifer Lopez, then when I told her I'd never make her open a Facebook account, and then again when I told her I'd never make her ask me for permission to do shit. Later she said something very sexual, I don't remember exactly what, but I got very embarrased, and so it happened.

I confessed.
I counted to three, took a deep breath, and murmured into the darkness and straigth into her ear:
"I am a virgin"
I was embarrased beyond myself, and I even had to say it twice for her to hear. She was shocked. She asked me whether I was joking. She told me it was such a big responsibility. I regretted telling her, instantly. I told her I regretted telling her. She couldn't believe it. She asked me whether I was sure I wanted it to be her. I reassured her I was. Then there was a lot of silence, and lots of wild thoughts running through both of our heads. I told her I had been stupid, I shouldn't have told her that. I told her I knew she'd leave. She reassured me she wouldn't.

I am genuinely scared, now. She told me she's never been anyone's first. Now, what if she doesn't want to cope with that "responsibility"? What if it's a big turn off? What if it's too much for her to handle?
She told me we'd fix that, 50 Shades of Grey style. I remember all this conversation starting because of me saying I get into an Anastasia mood.

She said I was like the rose and she was like The Little Prince.
She said things would remain the same.
She said I blew her mind.
She said she would never walk away from someone she was in love with.
She said she could talk to me, and I could listen to her, and that was very rare for her.
She said she felt selfish, now. That I had the right to try and experience new stuff. When I told her that same about her, she felt a little insulted.
I said it was overrated.
I said to please forget I'd even mentioned it.
I felt ashamed.
"La complicidad es tanta
que nuestras vibraciones se complementan
lo que tienes me hace falta
y lo que tengo te hace ser más completa"
20 July 2017 @ 10:50 pm
We talked and it was funny, awesome and hot.
She really, really, really wants to fuck me. She even had this brilliant idea of fucking suggesting buying me some fucking underwear, wtf.
She also dedicated a beautiful song to me. 
19 July 2017 @ 02:00 am
The day that marked our first week together as a couple had a rough start.
She was hurt and mad at me because of something that happened on Monday: she was with a friend and secretly called me so I could listen to their conversation while playing videogames.
I accepted the call, but I shouldn't have. It looked to me like an attack on their privacy, and a breach of her friend's trust.
I let her know that, she told me she was sorry.
Then I took it one step further and told her she better didn't do such a thing when we were alone. She lost her shit at that. She got mad.
Yesterday morning she was still upset, and confessed she thought about leaving me. We kind of made amends after that, but she was still sore. We talked and videocalled. It was ok, it was amazing. I fall more and more in love with her each time I see her. She is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my entire fucking life.

After I gave my lessons, I stayed at one of my student's appartment and had dinner with them. I sent her a message and pictures of the dishes, and she hit me with a seen. She told me not to make plans til tomorrow so we could talk. I am genuinely afraid, for there was not a single hint of love in her words. Part of me believes it is not possible that she will leave me, not after all we've been through. Yesterday she said she loved me, and she wanted to buy me something special for my birthday, and she even called me when I told her I was nervous because I knew I was not making her happy. But part of me wonders whether she may have decided she has had enough??

I am already playing a worst-case scenario in the back of my mind,but I will pay it no mind, not yet. I have a weird feeling like she may have cheated on me??? I hope it's just a feeling.

Oh and then dinner with my students made me feel nauseous and I ended up leaving early, because the topic of conversation became my  male student's failed marriages, all that happened, what they felt, how both relationships fell apart and I swear I didn't wanna hear it. I didn't. I have spent too much time hiding away from love and scorning it to sit and hear about such failures. I am at the beginning of a relationship, an adventurous and awesome one at that, and I wanna just enjoy the feeling for once.
17 July 2017 @ 01:30 am
I also did another tarot reading about us, and got a lot of fire cards.
Relationship status: Strength and wheel of Fortune.
17 July 2017 @ 01:28 am
Today was quite a good day.
I went with my mother to the designers' fair, and got a notebook from Hello Books which has become our relationship journal. The good thing was I didn't have to pay for it :D
My mother said some interesting things:
-When talking to an acquitance of hers who told her her boy was into football, my mother said that although we all want our kids to study, sometimes life takes us on a different journey. This eased me a little, since maybe following this she'll approve of my girlfriend who did not pursue any studies.
-When talking about Omen, my mom told me she often thinks about people with great ideas and dreams who end up living a completely different life, disengaged from what was supposedly their dream and passion. She wondered whether their dreams were too big, or too unrealistic, which made me think how the fuck do I tell her I've completely surrendered my dream of a Chevening scholarship just to be with her?
-When asked about where would I teleport myself, I just said "so many places", when what I really meant was: her arms.

I became a little bit stressed about September. I really fear not gathering enough money, and the fact I will have to tell my parents about this. I don't know what to do, because on the one hand I'd love to spend her BD with her, but I'm not really that ready to do the explaning.
16 July 2017 @ 01:09 am
Today we talked on the phone in the morning, in the evening, and at night.
I went to this secondhand clothes sale, and got a beautiful skirt which I plan to wear in September.
My girlfriend told me she'll fuck me against a wall when I sent her a photo of me wearing that.
I plan to start a relationship journal, just focused on the things we say and the shit we plan.
I'm gonna watch 50 shades of Gray as per her request. Love me like you do is our song.
I'm also trying to learn and put together a choreography to do her a sexy lapdance to "Earn it", by the weeknd. Or maybe Strip That Down.
14 July 2017 @ 12:29 am
The only one thing I fear is finding out she's lying. Not as regards her feelings and faithfulness, but what if she's not as well-off as she's told me? What if she didn't study the things she's told me? What if she's never had the past that haunts me?